A life of vulnerability is an empowering one  –  or at least it can be!

I have always identified as someone who was in-tuned with themselves and shared with others. Over the last year, I realize how that wasn’t truly the case.

About a year ago, my best friend Tara was in town, and we decided to start meditating.  It was perfectly us – always trying to better ourselves, and ensure we are being our truest and best self.

Tara is the friend who sees me in my most natural, most vulnerable, most raw form.  This is important to note, because I allowed myself to open up and become vulnerable during these moments of self reflection, and had a safe space to share the results.

We went through a series of meditations provided by my guru, Debbie Peterson, and agreed to keep up the habit on our own after we departed.  After about 2 weeks, I hit an emotional wall.  A lot of stuff had surfaced for me during these meditations and they were all things I was aware of but had pushed aside for years.  It was easier to just avoid them.  All of a sudden, I felt like I had overexposed myself and it was “too hard” to continue to deal.  I am a big believer that you experience things when you’re ready, or when you need to just settle in and let it all go.

We went a few weeks on our own, and truthfully, I didn’t get much accomplished. I missed having an accountability partner in this effort and I felt alone in “my stuff”.  About a month later, I visited Tara for our annual NYE trip.  It was magic.  A few years ago, we began journaling the morning of NYE; a moment of reflection summarizing our current year and outlining things that we’d like to do, try, experience, change in the coming year.  There are no rules to this practice. We start with a blank piece of paper, colorful markers and we write what comes to mind.  The end result would be coming up with a mantra – a hashtag of sorts that was easily identifiable and not overly complicated.

Last year was a signature year for us both.  Her mantra being #digdeeper and mine being #chooseAND.  We were chatting this morning about this but it’s interesting to see visually drawn out on paper, where you were, what you were feeling, and then to see how you progressed over the course of a year.  It’s like reading a diary from when you’re little. We share it all. No holding back.

Over the course of 2017, on the hills of Scotland,  I think I adopted her #digdeeper in my own way, because I realized the bliss in being vulnerable and sharing our full selves with friends and loved ones, and the magic this brings.

Most notably, I realized the need to be vulnerable, open, honest with myself… and really deal with the things that caused me to be out of balance; that had a cost that I wasn’t taking into account.

I have had an incredibly crazy year full of life-altering experiences, but what you see on Facebook is a photo album of my travels…
What you don’t see, is the amount of work I did internally on myself. 

A few notes on this.

• Dealing with your stuff is exhausting.
• It’s emotional, it’s scary, you often feel like you’re the only one that feels this way.
• It’s WORK.
• BUT, the ability to breathe easier and feel more yourself than ever before – truly is the best gift you can give yourself.

If I had to choose the thing that has changed the most over the course of 2017, it would be the straight up love I have found for myself.

It’s actually quite an odd statement to make.  I didn’t dislike who I was, but I certainly strived to be worthy.  Worthiness – the idea of being “good enough” is such an interesting concept and if there was one word that caused me to be most out of balance – it’s this.

 

I feel like we’re taught that statements like loving yourself reflects a selfish person, blah blah… It’s annoying.  Let’s change this idea, ladies.   Let’s start by loving ourselves – wherever we’re at on our journey – today. Let’s support each other in our journeys. Let’s remove the judgement. Let’s remove the isolation. The Shame.

One of my favorite things about this “vulnerability movement” for me personally, has been the deepening of my friendships.  A group of 4 of us, on a whim, had a vulnerability circle. This wasn’t planned but by far has been my favorite moment.  We all just dumped our stuff out in the open. There was a lot of wine, some tears, and friendships that will never be the same.  There is power in moments like this. I encourage you all to try it.

When traveling, in lieu of meditation, I began writing. At first it was to capture my travel; where I went, where I stayed, how I was feeling.  You can reference how my blog has changed since it began. I included bullet points about the various places – a few photos and called it a day.  I also had a journal that I traveled with. I found a few good journal prompts on pinterest and started there.  Long story short, I began writing more about what I was thinking/feeling. I have a word document and a journal because I realized that I write differently or share differently depending on if I’m typing or using a pen.  Weird but true.  I encourage you to write, regardless of the method. It has been the best tool in my toolkit to accompany you during the next year.  It’s a practice like anything else, that has to be developed, but something that’s worth your time.

Writing has helped me be accountable to myself: it helps me continue to push forward, to track my progress, and to identify themes that I need to #digdeeper on.

The message below was something I wrote a few months back, but how relevant for this post!

Here are some important factors when trying to live your best life.

1. You have to start with love of self
2. You have to surround yourself with at least 1 friend who will dive in to vulnerability with you… ALL OF IT. REAL TALK.
3. You have to first be honest with yourself… this for me was the hardest part.  What story was I telling myself? Self protection, coping, etc.
4. You have to be prepared to uncover all your stuff
5. Dealing with the things that make you feel shame, insecure, unworthy…. All the negative self-talk has to go.

 

I’m grateful for those who have signed up to do life with me!  Looking forward to hearing what you’re planning for 2018!  Questions welcomed.

Until next time.

Going Against The Current,

A